"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." - Vernon Sanders Law
Don't you agree?
I'm pretty sure I was going to say something actually worth while after that quote, but my favourite song came on...Which in turn, made me forget.
Uhh...
This isn't it, but on Monday, I have a test on the fifty staes and capitals of the U.S in Government.
Wasn't that something we had to do in fifth grade...?
I mean...seriously? Our teacher even gave us a cute little study guide and everything.
AUGH! I've only got about five minutes to get from my drama class to band! Those classes are like...on opposite sides of the school! My school is positively enormous!
But...I'd run to band even if there wasn't a time limit. *band geek*
i dont appreciate you acting like i was always the bad guy.
you think you are being the mature one. but you have a lot to learn about maturity. a whole lot. and why it didnt work; comminication
well you seemed to blame me because my brother was mad and called you a party pooper. you said i started it and it got worse from there.
actually i can.
i can be very mature.
and it can proven by multiple things, especially how i act towards certain people.
dont say i always acted a fool around you.
im just misunderstood.
you never said i was tormenting you, and i would CERTAINLY would stop if you told me before all this crap went on.
they dont just pass out rank to anyone in rotc.
you have been mature, responsible, and a leader.
i excel in that, and you cant see how mature i can be?
at lunch, i tend to control my group.
i set them straight.
but i dont bully them. respect, you see.
and im not obsesing over you.
i have had multiple experiances with so called friends who did really nasty things to me. it is hard for me to make friends because i was attacked by a group of my friends and beat up.
i just barely got out of that scrap, and they sent their dog on me.
and that, was my first best friend.
honestly, your not seeing both sides of the story.
and i have gotton very annoyed by people who are pissed at me because of it.
and i will do it if you feel like actually TALKING -i know, shocker-
and we can solve this, or at least end it on a better note.
hear me out.
sticks and stones may break my bones, but words leave damaging scars that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Then BE mature. I don't want to hear your sob stories. I'm not going to sugar coat anything anymore...I'm really not interested in fixing anything. I don't care how you act around around other people because guess what? I'm not there, and it has nothing to do with me! And don't say that I never gave you any warning before any of this went on...I asked you for a little space WAY before this, and you freaked out and overreacted again, exactly like you always do. You're predictable.
i AM mature, you just never want to see it.
im not always stupid you know.
im not always going around and overeacting.
i just had many bad experiences with past friends and it scars after a while.
honestly im not a freaking robot who has no emotion.
emotions are human.
they are not as much as 'sob storie' as they are conceled anger in different forms.
im not predicatable, not to you.
because you dont even know who i am.
i have bad reactions, and your not the only person i freak out about. i have done it with MANY people.
so dont feel special.
maybe if you did pay attention and didnt just lei about our 'friendship' things would have been different.
if you didnt go around and just pretty uch disown me as your friend, you SHOULDNT have gone around and said little sweet words to make me think otherwise.
i am honestly a victim of another person just giving me false hope and destroying any chanes of even possibly having any trust in anyone of even having a 'best friend'
im cursed.
now that this has happend, i wont let it happen again.
congratulations Amanda
i cant put my trust in anyone or have a best friend anymore.
im too paranoid of the future.
tell them that you care
tell them that you think of them as a friend
say they are an awesome person
-yes i still have some things from an old conversation. it is in writing-
and then go out all of a sudden and say you never thought of them as your friend
and that you stopped caring a long time ago.
and that you have called them and idiot multiple times
yeah.
you could have told...uh i dont know.
maybe back when i first started.
there is a time and place for anything. you delayed it.
you called me your best friend
and swept out my hopes of having one ever again.
i dont mind if you decide that i can never be your friend again. actually i wont lie. i DO mind.
but i wont freak out.
ill just hurt like i always do on the inside.
like i do for anyone.
just promise me you wont make anyone feel this bad again.
because you are better than that
I never told you that I never thought of you as a friend. You asked me, but If I remember correctly, I never answered you.
I did stop caring a long time ago, but that doesn't mean that I never cared.
I didn't MAKE you feel bad. That's only how you took it. I don't MAKE anyone do anything.
how long ago was it then?
and how you worded it, sounded like i never was your real friend.
people feel bad when people tell them things.
when my mom died it made me feel bad.
its not how i took the news, it was the news itself.
and if someone just goes on about how they stopped caring, and you trusted that person when you could no one else.
then the news will hurt you.
you expect to to so 'oh, ok. then uh. i didnt care much for you either'
and that be the end of it?
You have a choice in the way you react to things. It's this wonderful little option God gave us called free will. Things will catch you off guard, but human nature is resilient.
If anyone that I trusted just stopped caring about me, sure I'd be upset at first, but I'd get over it. I trust God, so I don't need to care about anyone else's opinion of me.
If I did care, I'd be just like you right now.
I'm not avoiding anything. I simply don't know how to answer that. I can't tell you exactly when I stopped caring. My mind changed and changed again from time to time...People can do that, you know. There are many variables in the equation, but the answer is not definite.
Sure, I care about how other people feel. I'm just reasoning based on my observations of OTHER people ALSO.
i didnt say an exact day an exact time.
i mean if it was like 2 years ago.
or not too long ago.
thats what i meant. but ugh nevermind.
peoples emotions and abilities to handle a situation vary from person to person.
you have to put this in the equation.
-------
have you gotton to the phase were you destroy everything that has to do with me yet?
hmm...many people would have already done that.
what abotu the pictures and that wood wolf thing?
hmm
That's technically not true. We don't make a hobby of talking bad about your school. I haven't even heard anyone there say anything bad about it.
I know my parents have heard other people say bad things about Eastide, and they've heard people say bad things about Newton, too (mostly racial crap).
The only thing at Eastide that I've said anything bad about it the band, though...Just because I don't know anything else about that school.
But that's just because it's true.
You're right about that. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.
Brittany's last journal was about me, by the way. (You could probably guess, though.)
She thinks that I hate her just because I said I wanted some time to myself so I don't have to put up with her putting me down so much.
DRAMAAAAAAA. *does not want*
Coming to church tommorrow, right? 8D We're having a back to school party after that, I believe.
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